Archive for the 'at work' Category

Today, I saw my ex-wife. In the local shopping centre. How? I’m one of the policeman who arrested her for shop-lifting and vandalism. IMMD

Submitted by: prongs

My boss came into our office today and asked one of the research fellows what she was doing today. With a perfectly straight face she replied "the same thing I do every day, run an experiment and plan to take over the world". He didn’t know what to say and IMMD.

Submitted by: Science Bird

I was unpacking jars of spices at work when I knocked one over. It broke and the spice was pouring out. I went to grab it and my friend stoped me and said in the more serious voice "Stop, the spice must flow" IMMD

Submitted by: Dune

I work at an adult bookstore. One day, I heard a very loud siren, followed by an automated voice shouting, "WARNING! IT’S THE WIFE! IT’S THE WIFE!" A lot of the male customers started looking around in a panic, and one guy sheepishly answered his cell phone with the offending ringtone and ran out of the store. Bad for business, but IMMD.

Submitted by: anon

I work for the dean of a prestigious college. I just peeked out of my office to see her standing stock-still with an odd expression on her face. When I asked her what was wrong, she said, "I’m afraid that, if I move, I’ll pee in my pants." I couldn’t stop laughing and IMMD.

Submitted by: Sparkle

While waiting on customers at my coffee shop, a guy in a wind breaker bearing a local church’s name & logo gave me a $20. I was out of $5′s & $10′s so I told him I had to give him his change in $1′s. His response “Wow, I usually have to dance on stage to get those.” He then proceeded to dance around & directed me to stick the bills in his sleeve. IMMD

Submitted by: Barista Ninja

After spending the day coughing my lungs up and feeling like death, I reluctantly went to my evening job at a call centre. (Unable to take any more time off sick.) After struggling through a few calls all the lights and computers went off. We were sent home. IMMD.

Submitted by: LP