Archive for November, 2009

As I was walking into a convenience store, I held the door for a middle aged woman who was walking up. She said ” Don’t hold the door because I’m a woman!”. I responded with “It’s because you’re old.” The look on her face and the laughing clerk was priceless. IMMD

On a manhole cover next to the campus library, someone had posted this sign: “Ninja Turtles Hiring. Inquire within.” IMMD.

I overheard a girl on my bus this morning complain that the twilight: new moon midnight opening she went to was ruined because a bunch of people kept screaming like girls during the movie every time Edward was on screen. IMMD

Fave Comment

… They were screaming because I was beating them with sticks every time they said the word ‘Edward’ – Twister

My 5 year old nephew said that a boy in his Kindergarten class had called him “Dumbo”. My Mom asked him how he responded to the kid and my nephew replied, “I called him a fucking asshole.”

Fave Comment

… “Little Jimmy is already swearing at a sixth grade level. We’re so fucking proud.” – Rich

Whilst asking individual kindergartners to “sing me a song”- to figure out their range of nursery rhymes, one boy sang, word perfect, Amy Winehouse’s song- Rehab. I gave him a gold Star. IMMD.

I recently went over to help my grandfather with his computer issues. When I asked him what he needed help with, he says “I want to find that cheese-burger cat thing” IMMD

Fave Comment

… Next thing you know, he’ll be asking for the scantily-clad-women thing. – Micky

At work we have a dry erase board that we write a fun fact on each week. This week it said that the longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds. A little boy read it then looked at me and said, “What if they shot one out of a canon?” IMMD